You Can Never Go Back
by FanFreak2002
Summary: Adrienne has moved back to her old neighborhood. Four years has made too many changes, kept too many secrets, and they're all starting to unravel before her eyes. Don't own people, except my own, or the music. Finally finished, I hope you guys review
1. The Perfect Fit

The Perfect Fit 

Adrienne Thompkins walked into James Polk High School, wearing the dress her mother helped her with.

**I could make a dress, a robe fit for a prince. I could clothe a continent, but I can't sew a stitch.**

She took in her surroundings: Green and gold everywhere. She saw familiar faces, mixed with a hint of maturity in them. She knew who she was looking for, but couldn't see them threw the crowd.

**I can paint my face, and stand very still. It's not very practical, but it pays the bills.**

She went around getting smiles, and waves. Adrienne finally got into the office where she rang the service bell. "Hold on a sec," came a nasally voice in turn. A girl with oversized glasses, and stringy dark hair came out. Adrienne studied her for a moment, "Lisa?"

**I can't change my name, but I could be you type. I can dance, and win at games like backgammon and at life.**

Lisa studied her for a minute before she figured out who she was. "Adrienne?" She nodded grinning. She came around the desk and hugged her. "I can't believe you're back. We all thought we'd never see you again," Lisa said stunned. "My dad got transferred back here, so here I am." Both of them giggled, then silence fell over them.

**I used to be the smart on, sharp as a tack. Funny how skipping years has held me back.**

Adrienne looked at her feet, "I um… came for my schedule." Lisa mad an 'o' with her mouth, as she went and got it for her. Lisa smiled as she handed it to Adrienne, "Good luck." Adrienne gave her thanks, and walked through the halls reviewing it. Then she got knocked onto the ground. She came to face a boy wearing brown slacks, and a striped polyester shirt. "Adrienne?"

**I used to be the bright one, top in my class. Funny what they give you when you just learn how to ask.**

"Cookie?" He smiled helping her stand. "You've grown up," he said not believing his eyes. She smiled shyly, "So have you." He nodded, "Four years makes a difference I guess." Both of them walked down the hall together. "Can I have a look at your schedule, I'll show you mine." Adrienne complied swapping with him. He looked up at her, "Music History?"

**I can write a song, but I can't sing in key. I can play piano, but I never learned to read.**

"Only Ned takes that class." Adrienne shivered, hoping Cookie hadn't noticed. " How is Ned?" "He's okay, he still talks about you sometimes." She blushed, until she heard a crash. A man with a net came running down the hall. Adrienne saw what he was after, a little weasel. She bent down, and scooped him up.

**I can't trap a mouse, but I can pet a cat. No, I'm being serious. I'm really very good at that.**

He came running up to her, "Now I got ya weasel." Adrienne held it close," I'm not going to let you hurt him." Before the man could reply the weasel scuttled at of her arms and ran. "You alright Gordy?" "Yeah, everywhere I go that weasel has to follow, mocking me."

**I used to be the bright one, smart as a whip. Funny how you slip so far when teachers don't keep track of it.**

Gordy walked off, and a "Hey" came behind her and Cookie. Adrienne recognized the two people as Moze and Ned. They both stood on either side of Cookie as they looked her over.

**I used to be the tight one, the perfect fit. Funny how those compliments make you feel so full of it.**

Moze went over to hug her, Adrienne could feel her warmth seep into her. "I've missed you sooo much. You have no idea to only have those two as company." Adrienne smiled as the two of them let go of their embrace.Then Ned came up to her, pulling her close. Adrienne felt the verge of tears coming on.

**I'm not exceptionally shy, but I've never had a man. That I could look straight in the eye, and tell my secret plans.**

"Why don't you take Adrienne to Music History Ned?" Ned looked at her, "You're taking it too?" She nodded. "Better go before we're late then." He took her hand, both waving to Cookie and Moze, before going to class.

**Hello I love you, will you tell me your name?**

**Hello I'm good for nothing-will you love me the same?**


	2. All Rolled Into One

All Rolled Into One- 

_Sorry about the shortness of the chapter, hopefully the next will be longer._

Adrienne woke the next morning in a bad mood, having to miss her second day of school for a retarded doctor's appointment.

**I hate the world today. You're so good to me. But I know that I can't change.**

Ned came by to see if she wanted to walk to school with him. She smiled remembering how they used to do that when they were younger. But she told him what was going on, and disappointment etched into his face with each word.

**Tried to tell you, but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath: Innocent and sweet.**

Adrienne sat in the waiting room, her foot shaking to rid her anxiety. Her mother took her hand, Adrienne smiled with gratitude.

**Rest assured when I start to make you nervous, and I'm going to extremes. Tomorrow I will change, and today won't mean a thing.**

The nurses drew blood from her arms, choking on the medicine they gave her.She could hear a child screaming across the room. The doctor came in, a confused expression on his face. He shook his head, "It seemed to be gone a month ago."

**Just when you think you got me figured out the season's already changing.**

The doctor scratched his head, perplexed. "We'll probably start you on chemotherapy again. It looks to be acute, so we'll definitely have to use radiation.----"Adrienne shook her head, tears spilling, "I'm not going through it again.""It's your choice, but you have a better chance with the chemo to survive than just with your regular medications alone."

**I think it's cool you do what you do, but don't try to save me.**


	3. Girl Next Door

Chapter 3-Girl Next Door 

Adrienne rested for the remainder of the day, waking with slight nausea from her regular treatment. Adrienne's mom drove her to the front of the school. She saw Ned talking to a girl she didn't recognize.

**Small town homecoming queen, she the star in this scene. There's no way to deny she lovely**.

She didn't feel it would be right to interrupt their conversation, so she walked to her locker. She felt a pang in her heart for some reason. "Hey Ad, missed ya yesterday," said a silky voice. She turned around to see Seth, surprisingly without a basketball, wearing shorts and a navy blue polo shirt. "You noticed?" "Yeah, why wouldn't I?" "Some people haven't," she said gazing to where Ned was. "I see, when it comes to Suzie, Ned can turn into a sap."

**Perfect skin, perfect hair. Perfumed hearts everywhere. Tell myself that inside she's ugly.**

"Easy to see why I guess," Adrienne said bitterly. "I've seen better, like you for example." She blushed looking at the floor. Seth took the books from Adrienne's arms, "Walk you to class?" She took his arm hesitantly. He walked her to Life Science, and she caught a glimpse of Suzie again before she sat down.

**Senior class president, she must be Heaven sent. She is never the last one standing.**

Adrienne couldn't concentrate on her notes, she kept looking in the corner of the classroom watching Ned and Suzie swap notes. It wasn't til something hit her in the back of the head, did her blood stop boiling.

**Baby I'll admit it, I'm a little bitter. Everybody loves her, but I just wanna hit her.**

Adrienne noticed it to be Seth's handwriting. "Wanna go out Friday?" She looked at him he was sweet, and actually noticed her. She wrote her answer, and passed the letter back to him. He grinned at her, and gave her a thumbs-up. Adrienne sat back in her chair pondering to herself.

What about Ned?

**She is the prom queen, I'm in the marching band.**

What about him?

**She is a cheerleader, I'm sitting in the stands.**

You love him, don't freakin' lie. You're cheating on him!

**She gets the top bunk, I'm sleeping on the floor.**

Shut up, to cheat you first have to be dating.

**I get a little bit, she gets a little more.**

You love him!

**She Miss America…**

Fine I'll prove to you I don't love him.

…**and I'm just the girl next door.**


	4. Mr Brightside

Chapter Four- Mr. Brightside 

Ned was sitting in the cafeteria, eating his ham sandwich when he saw Adrienne walk in. With Seth, his arm around her shoulders. Ned felt his eye begin to twitch with anger.

**Coming out of my cage I've been doing just. Gotta be down, cause I want it all. It started with a kiss, how'd it end up like this? It was only a kiss, only a kiss.**

He pretended to ignore her, as Seth kissed her on the cheek, going to his own table. Adrienne approached them, Mind if I join you guys?" Everyone welcomed her except Ned who was sucking down his juice.

**Now I'm falling asleep, and she'd calling a cab. While he's having a smoke, and she's taking a drag.**

"So you're going out with Seth?" asked Moze. "Yeah I guess so, he's very sweet." Ned scoffed, "And dense and shallow." Adrienne flushed with anger. "You have no right to talk about someone that way." The rest of the table looked back and forth between them, watching the two bicker. "Why are you acting like this Ned?" "If you haven't figured it out yet, then maybe it doesn't matter!" Then in a hushed tone he muttered, "Maybe nothing matters."

**Now they're going to bed, and my stomach is sick. It's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now. He takes off her dress now. Let me go.**

Ned left the table, leaving Adrienne's mind to race. She felt it in her chest what was happening to her, and she ran to the restroom. For once she was grateful the teachers gave her a little bit of special treatment. She opened her shirt, injecting the medicine. The relief was almost instant, like a weight pulled from her.

**I just can't look it's killing me, taking control. Jealousy, turning saints into the sea. Turning through sick lullaby, choking on your alibi.**

As the medicine settled in, she started to sob. "It's just not fair, nothing is anymore." Adrienne finally had her sobbing controlled, and gave herself a once over in the mirror. She went to her locker, unaware that Ned was trying to rehearse an apology for her. But before he could even muster up the courage to approach her, Seth intersepted. "Ready to go?" Adrienne nodded, not trusting what words would escape from her lips.

**But it's the price I pay, destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes, cause I'm Mr. Brightside.**


	5. Are You Happy Now?

**Chapter Five Are You Happy Now?**

It wasn't a horrible date, Adrienne was just too distracted to enjoy herself. The words that Ned had told her kept buzzing around in her mind. It made her heart ache. She was worried what Seth saw when he looked at her.

**Now don't just walk away, pretending everything's okay. And you don't care about me. I know there's just no use when all your lies become your truth, and I don't care.**

After dinner they walked through the park. Seth reached for Adrienne's hand, she ducked her head so he wouldn't see her cringe. He didn't seem to notice. "Beautiful night isn't it?" He didn't wait for her to answer.

**You took all there was to take, and left me with an empty plate. And you don't care about it.**

"Do you see that bluish-green star right there?" Adrienne nodded. "It's suppose to be Mercury. Every nine years it can be seen by the naked eye." Adrienne finally smiled, "How do you know that?" Seth chuckled, "It may not look it, but I like to study astronomy." "No way." "Yeah it's cool to know there's more out there than meets the eye."

**I have given up this game, and left you with all the blame. Cause I just don't care.**

The two of them went over to the playground, Seth offering Adrienne a swing. He pushed her high, and she giggled. It startled her at first, the sensation. She hadn't felt happy in so long. Three blocks away Ned Bigby was lying in bed, loathing himself. He felt like such an ass, trying to act like a macho jerk. He should've just told Adrienne how he felt the moment he saw her. Now he was all alone, because his mouth spoke before he could think.

**Do you really have everything you want? You can never give something you ain't got. You can't run away from yourself.**

Seth walked Adrienne home, embracing her on the porch. "I really don't want to go in," she said sinking into his warmth. Her parents had been on her case to start chemo again. Her dad was now silent and solemn, and her mother drowned out any other noise with her constant wailing.

Seth didn't know what exactly the problem in her life was, no one did, and Adrienne wanted to keep it that way as long as she could. "If you have any probs just call me okay?" She nodded, and he kissed her sweetly.

It should've been paradise, her first kiss, but she suddenly felt ill to the touch. Remembering her vow she made herself, that she would tell the one she longed for how much she loved him.

**Would you look me in the eye? Could you look me in the eye? I've had all that I can take I'm not about to break cause I'm happy now……**

**Are you happy now?**


	6. Beautiful

Chapter 6 – Beautiful 

Seth watched Adrienne go inside her house, waving at him through the window. He walked down the sidewalk, smiling to himself.

**My life is brilliant, my love is pure. I saw an angel of that I'm sure.**

He felt so strongly towards her. But he couldn't help but notice the pain he saw in her eyes. He kept pondering to himself if it could have been something he had done. He thought the evening went rather, except for the moments when Adrienne went into a few awkward silences. He heard a crash some ways in front of him, and saw Ned coming out of his house, cursing.

**She smiled at me on the subway, she was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that cause I've got a plan.**

"Hey Ned!" Seth cried out. Ned looked up his eyes still narrowed. Seth ran over to him his smile remaining. "What's up?" Ned shrugged his shoulders, "Things are just screwed up." Ned looked at Seth suspiciously, "You treating her right?" Seth was taken aback, "As well as I can." Ned's lips tightened into a line, "Why are you with her Bowers? You've nearly dated every girl there is in our year, so what, you want to finish off the rest?"

**She caught my eye as I walked on by, she could see by my face that I was flying high**.

Seth felt a sudden urge to hit Ned in the face. "I really care for her Ned, though I don't think it's any of your business what I do with her." It was Ned's turn to take a step back. "It's entirely my business she should be mine." Seth smirked walking away from Ned. But not before saying, "You should learn to keep your eyes off Suzie then." Monday came and Adrienne waited by her locker for Seth.

**I don't think that I'll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last til the end.**

Moze came up instead, "How you been doing?" Adrienne forced a small smile, " I've been better." Moze nodded then her eyes widened, "I just remembered Cookie wants his calculator 361 back." Adrienne reeled off her locker, circling her combination. She searched through the heaps of paper and books, and felt herself being shoved. Probably by Lumar. Adrienne fell back taking her stuff with her.

Including a box of medicine with her. She tried to scoop them up in time, but Moze had already spotted it. "What are these?" She looked concern. "You really want to know?" "Of course." "Then swear to me you won't tell anyone." Moze made her vow, and Adrienne spilled everything.

Moze hugged her when she started to sniffle. "It's just not fair I want to tell him, but the words won't come out. Besides what am I supposed to do about Seth?"

**There must be an angel with a smile on her face, when she thought that I should be with you.**

"Adrienne this is going to sound pretty damn cliché, but I think you should follow your heart." Moze then stood up, and left. At the same time Seth approached. "You okay down there?" Adrienne didn't speak, so Seth sat down next to her. Seth's mind was racing, he felt too many things at once that he wanted to scream. He also wanted to cry. He knew why she was upset. That's the reason why he wanted to kill someone. "Is this about Ned?" And her louder sobbing confirmed hi accusation.

**But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.**


	7. Over

Chapter 7 – Over 

Before Adrienne could answer Seth's question he stalked off, to what seemed like fuming. She wiped her tears away, clawing her way up the locker.

**I watched the walls around me crumble, but it's not like I won't build them up again.**

She walked down the hall in a daze, unaware of those who passed her by. She choked back her remaining sobs, until a door smacked her in the face. She felt blood fill her mouth, from where she bit her tongue. When she opened her eyes she saw a blurry Ned in front of her face.

**So here's your last chance for redemption, so take it while it lasts cause it will end.**

"I'm so sorry, you okay?" But Adrienne couldn't answer, before her mouth could even open she felt a pain in her chest wash over her. Then she lost consciousness.

**My tears are turning into time. I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye.**

The school nurse was befuddled. She sent her to the local hospital, where they revived her. She asked to be sent home, they complied but only if she fully rested the stress was the reason for her sudden conditions. Several hours later she got a phone call from Seth who sounded worried. "I'll be by there later to check on you." "Thanks, I'll wait for you."

**I won't be the one to chase you, but at the same time you're the heart I call home. I'm always struck with all these emotions, and the more I try to fell the less I'm whole.**

Adrienne fell asleep, her dilemma following her into the realm of dreams. Her the damsel in distress, Ned and Seth nobles fighting over her affections. She tried to escape the tower, but she came face to face with a dragon who sent her to her fiery tomb. Adrienne woke with a small screech, then seeing her mom in the doorway.

**Can't live without you, can't breathe without you, I dream about you. Honestly tell me that it's over.**

"Seth is here to see you dear." He came in quietly, giving a smile to Mrs. Thompkins. She left the room, and Seth came to sit on the edge of her bed. He doubled over, placing his face in his hands. He shook his head. "I don't know what to do Ad, I care about you deeply but…" He let the sentence drop.

**Cause if the world is spinning, and I'm still living it won't be right if we're not in it together.**

"I can't be with someone who doesn't feel the same about me." Adrienne reached for him, "I'm sorry, I tried so hard to get those feelings for you. I feel strong for you, but only in a different sense." She had the urge to cry, but thought best to hold the tears back.

"We can't be together anymore, hopefully we can still be friends. But this relationship is over." He left without giving her a second glance. Adrienne felt drained, but oddly happier.

**Tell me that it's over, and I'll be the first to go. Don't want to be the last to know.**


	8. Broken

**Chapter 8 – Broken**

_**Ned's POV –**_

He wasn't sure how he should be feeling. He felt happy he had a second chance with Adrienne, but he didn't want her to have a broken heart.

**I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh. I want to hold you high, and steal your pain.**

He went to class books at hand. As he tried to find Adrienne in the crowd. He felt a pang in his chest when he couldn't find her. He sat down, not paying attention to the lesson. He skipped lunch wondering around the school, depression sinking in, until he saw Adrienne's face.

**I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well. I want to hold you high and steal your pain**.

_**Adrienne's POV-**_

She couldn't contain herself when she saw Ned approaching. She grinned from ear to ear, something she hadn't been able to do in days.

**The worst is over now, and we can breathe again. I want to hold you high and steal my pain away.**

She didn't give a thought to what she was doing as she threw her arms around Ned's neck. She finally came to her senses, and pulled back blushing. Ned's head must have been spinning, and found it to be the perfect time to kiss her.

**So much love to learn, and no where left to hide. I want to hold you high, and steal your pain.**

**_Original POV –_**

The kiss was overpowering, sending electrodes down their spines. It felt as though they were nude in the Garden of Eden. Ned mustered up the courage to put his hands under her shirt. Just want to feel her bare skin. " I love you Ned Bigby." She was afraid he was going to run away, but felt one of his tears fall onto her face instead. "I love you too Adrienne. That's why I want you to go to the dance with me." She laughed, and nodded. Then went to their kiss.

**Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome. And I don't feel right when your gone.**


	9. You and Me

**Chapter 9 – You and Me**

_This chapter maybe should've been rated M, but it's not that you know. But I'm sure someone will tell me if it is._

It took Adrienne awhile to find the perfect dress. But she was able to find one, that even went with the theme, a starry night in Paris.

**It's you and me, and all of the people. Nothing to do, nothing to lose. It's you and me, and all of the people. And I don't know why, but I can't keep my eyes off of you.**

It was a soft baby blue silk. It was bunched up in ruffles in the front, and was strapless. It even had small forget-me-nots going down the front of the bodice. It reminded her of the dresses can-cans wear.

She pulled her hair in an elegant bun sticking a few more flowers in it. She met Ned out front of her house, and he held a small box in his hands. "I thought it would be traditional to bring you a corsage." It was a beautiful lavender lily, Ned pinned it gently on her chest.

**What day is it? This clock has never seemed so alive. I can't keep up, I can't back down. We've been losing so much time.**

The dance was beautiful, everything seemed to be perfect. Except when Seth came in with Suzie. He approached Adrienne stiffly, and for a fleeting instant she was afraid he was going to hit her. But surprisingly gave her a small smile, embraced her, whispering in her ear, "I'm glad you're finally happy." A few hours later Ned suggested they go somewhere more private.

**All the things I want to say, just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning. I don't know where to go from here.**

They went to their secret hiding place in the park, where they went when they were younger. It was a little cave hidden beneath a nook of the dock. They kissed and petted each other, whispering I love yous and other sensual comments.

**Something about you now, I can't quite figure out. Everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right.**

Adrienne's moans and writhing sent Ned over the edge, and he spilled his love into her. A few moments later they both fell into a pleasant slumber. Adrienne awake hours later feeling her relapse falling onto her.

She couldn't reach her purse that held her medication that would recede the pain, and the cell phone to call an ambulance. She began to feel weaker. And couldn't move Ned's heavy form on top of her.

Her breaths turned into gasps. In spite of it all she smiled to herself. This was the way it should be. To die with the one she loved. She kissed Ned on the forehead, brushing back a few askew strands. And with that her breathing ceased, at the same time her heart stopped beating.

**What day is it? In what month? Because this clock has never seemed more alive**.


End file.
